I remember a year ago, when we were deeply into kill-the-debt mode. We cut spending right to the bone. No eating out, no frivolous expenses, no NOTHING. It lasted for the better part of three months at that intensity, and we successfully got rid of a lot of debt. Then, one day, we stopped. That was the day that my youngest son, then halfway through kindergarten, came to me and asked me the fateful question.

Son: “Daddy, are we poor?”

Me: “No, of course not. Why do you ask?”

Son: “Because we don’t do anything fun anymore. We don’t go to the movies, or to McDonalds at all!”

Me <taken aback> : “We’re just paying off our bills. That’s why we don’t have any money right now.”

Son: “I hope we pay off the bills so we don’t have to be poor anymore.”

The conversation continued on as I tried to explain what we were doing, why we were sacrificing now and how it would be better in the long run. It didn’t sink in, and he moped around the house the rest of the day. He even went to his room and closed the door. There wasn’t a sound coming from the room for over an hour.

To see my youngest son in such a state was a life-changing event for me. I hadn’t realized how much he had heard of our discussions on paying off bills, or that he connected not having money to being poor.

Days later, I learned that even the kids at school had an inadvertent hand in his mood. While they gleefully talked about going to movies or to Burger King, or doing other fun things, my son was left out, since he hadn’t done any of those things in, well, like forever!

The whole family went out that evening to a movie, and dinner. The next day, I re-worked our (now obviously) too rigorous debt payoff schedule to something that allowed more ‘fun money’ and swore never to see that look on his face again.

The Hard Times are Back

Fast forward a year, and we find ourselves in a huge financial crisis. The jobless rate is increasing, as is the price of food, health care, utilities, and many other day-to-day costs. I’m hearing more stories similar to the one I experienced, but this time there’s no happy ending of just re-budgeting and making everything better.

Times are tight, and people are doing what they have to in order to get by. A lot of times that means cutting everything as much as possible. As an adult, we know that it’s the necessary thing to do, but children don’t really understand why their lives change so radically, and so quickly.

Explaining to your child that they can’t get toys like they used to, or go to fun places like in the past, isn’t easy. It’s hard for them to understand. And even when they do understand, the best (and worst) thing they can do is to sympathize with you and be ’stoic’. In some ways, that’s worse than a crying fit.

So what can you do when times are tough and things have got to change?

Tell Them – Little ears are actually very big. They pick up on a lot of conversations and body language that you don’t think would get through to them. Tell them up front, in simple terms what’s going on (Daddy/Mommy lost their job, and we have to save our money.)

Warn Them – Especially with the Christmas season coming up. If you know that Christmas is going to be radically different than years past because of financial problems, start prepping them now. Set their expectations so they aren’t horribly disappointed come Christmas day.

Reassure Them – Make sure they hear it from you, your spouse, and any other older person in the household. “This isn’t a big deal. Things will get better eventually.” It’s good for them to hear this repeatedly, and it’s also good for you to say it, as it’s true, and a pick-me-up for you as well. Bad financial situations come and go. You need to make sure they don’t think that this temporary state of affairs is permanent.

Love Them – Pure and simple. Spend time with them, and show them you love them. That’s better than all the money in the world anyway, and it’ll do all of you good. Children, particularly little children, crave attention and love from their parents. If they’re getting that, lots of other things seem trivial and less important.

Getting through these hard times is easier as a family. Taking care of yours doesn’t always cost money. Sometimes, in rare occasions, the best things in life are free.