My sister-in-law died a couple of weeks ago. She was the same age as my wife. My wife actually introduced her to my brother-in-law while they were in high school together. Her death was sudden and fairly unexpected. Needless to say, it’s hit all the family hard, and in different ways.

My wife hadn’t been particularly close to her over the years, but just the sheer number of years that they had known each other (more than 30) put her in a very small group of people. I can count on one hand, the number of people I’ve known for 30 or more years, and most people I know that are around my age are the same. Long-term friends are getting rare. My wife has been on the phone with her brother on a regular basis during the last couple of weeks and has had long talks with him, trying to help him deal with the situation.

One of the conversations I overheard was the discussion about paying bills and how things were not getting paid correctly. If you listen to Dave Ramsey very much, you’ll hear a recurring theme about how marriages are usually based on one person being a ‘geek’ (or the person that does the numbers) and the other being the ‘free spirit’ (or the one that isn’t as interested in the details). My brother-in-law was definitely in the latter category.

It’s not that he didn’t know about the finances and bills, but he wasn’t familiar with his wife’s bill-paying routine. Because of that, he sent two payments to his (their) truck, when he should have only sent one. He is going to have to call the credit company and see if they will cancel the second inadvertent payment.

That triggered a conversation between myself and my wife.

What if Aliens Abducted You?

Of course the ‘Alien Abduction’ is a euphemism. One that I heard from a friend of mine, Lynne over at BeingFrugal, some months ago. It really just covers any contingency when the ‘geek’ in the family disappears for some reason. The ‘free spirit’ will need to know a lot of details about the family and finances, that they might previously have not been interested in. I thought it was a cute statement, and filed it away for a Joe Sixpack writing when I got a chance.

Then circumstances brought back the whole issue in a way that highlighted the importance of getting this in place. After discussing finances with her brother, my wife was in a near panic thinking about worst-case-scenarios concerning her if I were to ever be ‘abducted’.

I can’t say that I’ve actually prepared anything formal so that she knows what to do if I were to disappear. I’m also not so sure what I would do if she were to disappear either. That, in particular, was what hit me. I hadn’t even considered about what to do in the opposite situation.

So, as a cautionary tale, I’m going to document what I’m planning on doing for my ‘kit’. It won’t be complete, so I’ll revisit it as I cover different areas other than just financial.

The Financial Kit

The first part I’m going to work on is the low-hanging fruit of finances. They’re an immediate concern should I disappear, and are one of the things my wife isn’t completely comfortable with.

I have all my bills paid automatically, as I’ve written before so the paying of the bills should continue whether or not I’m around. However, because of the way the automatic payments are made, there are some bills that need to have larger-than-minimum payments on them, or some of the other payments will overdraw the accounts. It’s a somewhat complex setup, but has worked flawlessly for me for years. Having my wife pick it up and understand what’s going on is another matter.

Step 1 – I’m going to update and move my spreadsheet-o’-bills that I use to track things, to a common area on our computer where she knows where it’s at. Since it’s also password protected, I’m going to make sure she knows the password. (She should already, it’s our family password, one that everyone in the family knows, but I’m just being super cautious).

Step 2 – I’m going to enforce (on a monthly basis) that we sit down and go over the bills, our investments, and debts, so she has an idea about where we stand and what would be necessary for her to do if I were suddenly to disappear.

Step 3 – I’m going to verify (or at least re-verify) that all our insurance accounts, retirement accounts, and other assets are either in both of our names, or that she is the beneficiary if I’m the only one on the account/investment (and vice versa for her as well).

Step 4 – This is the hard one. I’m going to write up a will. I haven’t until now because thinking about death is very depressing for me. I realize now that it’s vitally important for those left behind to get this straightened out. Leaving the family high and dry legally, isn’t something that I want to be remembered for.

First Steps, More Steps

There’s lots of things to do if you’re really going to prepare for the inevitable. This is just some of the first steps. It’s something that should have some thought put into it. Things you forget to add until after you’re gone, won’t help your family. Don’t forget anything!

In coming articles, I’m going to think and write about some other topics concerning what to do when planning for the worst.

If any of my readers have ideas, suggestions, or additions, I’d appreciate leaving a note with the info. I’ll add as much as possible to put together a complete ‘Alien Abduction Plan’ in coming weeks.